TOmorrow we are having family pictures taken, and though I feel really guilty about spending money on things we don't need I also hate spending money on pictures that I will hate because none of my clothes fit "properly". By properly I mean "does not showcase my body like I am wearing a taut sausage casing". And so I have two new shirts ($35 for both, so it could have been worse, but still).
I am sure that I am being too hard on myself - just three weeks age there was a nearly 9lb person inside that stomach, I cannot and should not expect that it will be flat. But the combo of squishy stomach and broad hips and big boobs that are just not my body fill me with frustration. I am a thin person and I am incredibly frustrated to not be a thin person right now. It is incredibly conceited and ridiculous to think that I am fat, because I am not. I am a woman with a post-partum body, who cannot stand to see that 140 on the scale and the 10 in my jeans when I want my 125 and my 4 back. And really, I don't care that lots of people would like to see the numbers I currently have, because they are not me, and I just want me back.