Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Day 6

Out of time at the end of the day. I need to try doing this in the morning.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Slow Month

I think that I am destined to fail at NaBloPoMo. Tonight I have only a smattering of words little Whompers can say: butbawol (football), mama, dada, maow maow, bubub (bubble), bwoon (Balloon), up, hi, go, appol (apple), and big Whompers name - she asks about her big sister as soon as she wakes up each day.
Bright Eyes was great - Simon Joyner is touring with them and I enjoyed him also. I forget the name of the opening band - they let the bass player sing the first song of the set and would have been better off if he sang them all. A good time nonetheless. I am still trying to recover from the late night plus time change, so goodnight everyone - I'm pooped.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

No time, no time

I'd post something substaintial, but Little Whompers is screeching at me 'cause I am using the computer without her help, and I'm trying to get ready to go see Bright Eyes. I haven't been to a show of any sort in years - my last attempt was a Pixies show three years ago that ended up getting cancelled. Forgive my lack of content, I'm going out without my children to see a great band from my home state. I know you wish me a fantastic evening.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Muffin Love

I am in love with these muffins from Amy Karol.
Take a few minutes to browse her site.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Anxiety Schmiety

Ahhh, day two. I said ahwile back that I would talk about therapy and anxiety during NaBloPoMo, instead of just posting cute things my kids say and do. That just sounds depressing. Cute kids, a bit cheesy. Mental issues, depressing (and a bit boring).
Here goes, I guess.
Anxiety - I've got, and if I looked outside myself for a bit it would almost seem I invite it. I worry about things that most people don't even consider. I worry about every decision I make, whether I have made the wrong ones. I feel like life is going to sneak up and bite me in the ass, but it will all be my fault.
There are a variety of things I obsess over, so I think I'll tackle them one at a time. Tomorrow's topic - the biggest anxiety inducer I know - Money.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Off to a slow start

This morning I sat down at my desk and thought "Wow, November first already.
Oh Crap - NaBloPoMo." That's right folks, I was almost out on the first day, having totally spaced it off. I wonder if I would have remembered. Probably, when I sat down to my feed reader and wondered why everyone was posting all of a sudden.
Unfortunately that was not my first "duh" moment of the day. That moment occurred when I walked down the hall toward my lab at 6:30 this morning and had the sudden realization that I was not wearing shoes. To be clear, I didn't leave my house and drive in 40˚ weather totally unshod, but those slippers I was wearing were not going to cut it for the entire day. So I poured an acrylamide gel and then went home for shoes while it set up. Fortunately I was able to sneak into my house and get shoes without waking the clan - it would have been a half hour trip for sure if the girls had woken up.
Finally, a bit of intoduction for any newcomers. I am a 28 year old scientist in the mornings and a mom of two girls 24/7. I am married to a wonderful man, Ehemann, and our daughters are 4 and 1. I refer to my kiddos as Big Whompers and Little Whompers, which is tedious to type and probably annoying to read, but I try to keep this anonymous. This is my second round of NaBloPoMo - I astounded myself by actually writing every day last November (and then posted very sparsly between then and now). This year, in addition to documenting a bit of what my girlies are like at this time of their lives, I am going to try to sort though some of my own issues as well.
Welcome to the Whompers.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Gearing up for NaBloPoMo

It's been two months since I posted anything, and if I really think that I am going to write every day in the month of November maybe I should try to remember how. I have been in a funk lately, an overall anxious frustrating sad time. I am really annoyed by it, and consequently a bit angry with myself as well. Which is ironically self-defeating, but how the cycle works, I guess. I am really hard on myself, and beat myself up a lot. I have an unrealistic expectation of what I want my life to be like, and what is really possible.
When I was pregnant last year (just last year - how time flies) I went to my very first therapy sessions because I was anxious about my upcoming birth. I had given birth before and felt totally out of control of my surroundings and situation, and because I had issues with being a non-compliant patient I was worried that it would happen again. The woman I saw was just finsihing her PhD in Psychology and was doing an internship. She was fantastic in helping me sort through my thoughts and work on asserting myself. As a result I was able to convey my wishes and fears to my midwives, and had a fantastic birth that was dictated by my needs.
And now...I am not doing so hot. I am feeling thin - just spread out and transparent and exhausted. I need to make some changes, and I don't know what changes I want to make. So back to the therapist I am going - I have 6 of my 8 allotted visits remaining to make some decisions and see if I can find myself, and my marriage, and desires. I am thinking about using NaNoBloMo to document this escapade and see where I end up.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Last week I was feeling like this: Somewhere between the 16th and the 20th of July I lost my sling. The sling that I've had since before Big Whompers was born. It seems silly to be sitting here with tears streaming down my face over a couple of yards of fabric and some nylon rings, but that is the case. I have called everywhere I was that week, and few places I may not have even been. No one has it. Last week was the purge and clean vacation week, so if it was around here, it would have shown up, I am trying very hard to resign myself to the idea that it is gone. I am really torn about getting another one. I didn't use it for nursing all that often anymore, and lately I have been having back pain and using the stroller. And it was a Kangaroo Korner Sling, which are running $55 these days. But...I can't get used to the idea of not having one if I want it.

I also can't decide if another sling will make me feel any better about the one that is gone. It was the most used, most important baby item I had, one of the few things that I would keep for my girls when they are older. Part of me really needs to let it go, as I have been a sad snappish cranky person for a couple of days now. So send hopes for it to reappear, and I will try to imagine that it has a new and happy life somewhere else.

So I made a new sling, and I am so happy that I did. I just didn't feel right without one. I was able to get nylon rings for less than $5 at SlingRings.com and found a fabric that I liked but was not declared too girly by Ehemann. The pattern was free online, from a link at SlingRings.com.

It has been a crafty month or so: 3 aprons, finishing up some trim on Big Whompers bed tent, the sling. I also purchased fabric for a quilt (my first, I must be crazy). When I bought one of my apron patterns recently (incidentally, the last time I remember using my old sling) Ehemann asked me if it included time to actually sew. I have come to the conclusion that projects or none, I am still going to be overwhelmed with housework and incredibly busy, so I might as well have a creative outlet to add a little fun to the mix.
I will try to get some pictures of the sewing up on Flickr, for now I should get some work done.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

5 month hiatus

So I took a few months off. Too many things in my days, it seems. Little Whompers took her first few steps on April 25, and now she's running around like mad. She turned one and Big Whompers turned 4 last week, so there have been parties and festivities abounding.
Big Whompers wanted a horse racing party, so we did horse heads printed on cardstock for everyone to decorate, and then stapled them to dowels. Stick horses for everyone! The racing was great and she had a fantastic day. I just love seeing her eyes light up when she is having a good time.
I am feeling quite out of practice, and will likely sound pretty disjointed as I try to get back into the swing of things on a regular basis. There are so many little things I want to remember of this time with my girlies, so there will probably be lots of posts of "cute things my kids said". Not very interesting reading, I know, but good enough for me.

Monday, January 29, 2007

The Sick

Last Thursday night Big Whompers started coughing. And today, I am sweating. This would not be unususal, we are hot people and I am frequently sweating. But it is ~10 degrees outside, so I turned the furnace down to 64 since I am cheap like that. And still, I am sweating. Combined with my throbbing tonsils, I think it is safe to say that Big Whompers has passed on the sick. Grr.
In other news, after having long talks with Ehemann about how insane we are to do this "splitting the workday, I am always on call I haven't been alone in years" type of arrangement, we discussed modifications to make things seem a bit less chaotic. One of those included refraining from any more crafty projects for awhile. Less than a week later we started on the tent.
We are making a tent for Big Whompers bed. Since it is half of a bunk bed it has convenient holes in the posts where you can insert fiberglass tent poles. Yards and yards of cheap (and of course, purple) fabric later, I have a tent that is just about ready to be sewn together. It is turning out really well, I will post some pictures when it is finished. Big Whompers thinks it will keep bad dreams out. I just hope it makes her think her bed is a good place to spend the entire night.
I am off to eat pretend enchiladas (made from fleece tortillas and wooden food) and finish putting away laundry mountain.
Have a good night!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Um, hi, anyone remember me?

I used to write things here? Before the craziness that was December? Um, yeah. It was a bit busy. But we are home, and all the guests have left, and I actually worked a full week last week. Go figure.
Christmas was good. We traveled lots, there were gifts for whompers Big and Small (so many gifts, unbelieveable) and I didn't cry.
This not crying is a big improvement over Christmases past. At some point during the holidays I ususally feel so overwhelmed and out of control that a big, stressed sobfest is in order.
But this year I stepped up. Instead of worrying about what everyone else thought (about any number of things: breastfeeding, sleeping with my baby, going to church at the denomination of my choice) I just did things. Politely, but firmly. And all the worry about what would happen...unfounded.
When I was pregnant with Little Whompers I went to a therapist for the first time, to address anxiety issues I had as a result of things that happened during Big Whompers birth. In doing so, I was able to adress the underlying issue: I am afraid of making people angry, and so I worry and obsess and try to act in the way that I percieve them to expect of me. The funny thing is, I can never really come up with any dire consequences that might happen if I do what I want. This time, in the midst of all the relatives that I married into, I did what I wanted. The world didn't end, I had a happy Christmas, and foremost...I didn't cry.